It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
