This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
