I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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