I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
