Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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