My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
