i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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