We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
