I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's blow job season.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize