yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whod you bang
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
