tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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