I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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