My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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