apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
