omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
