i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
