Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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