I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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