He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
