I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
