Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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