my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
