We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
