best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
