weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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