In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
