Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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