i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
