So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
