do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
