that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
