Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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