Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
