Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
