we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
