Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
