I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You ruined the universe
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
