I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
