My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
