She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
