So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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