While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
