Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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