operation harelip BJ is a go
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
