If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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