Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Moan for me like Helen Keller
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize