he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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