oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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