hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
