My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
