i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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