Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
