I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
