i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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