you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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