We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
