Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
