My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
