Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
