this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
should my penis look like a turkey
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
