your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
