apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
