You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
